Here’s the thing. The past two years have been crazy. It has been a whirlwind of changes – physically, mentally and emotionally. Some days have been amazing, others hard and not so amazing. With each day I am learning more about nutrition, exercise, and overall health but I’m also learning more about personal development, leadership, growth and the art of believing in oneself. Folks, of all those things, that last one is by far the most challenging for me hands down.
It can be “easy” to say that you love yourself, that you don’t care what others think, that you are confident – and it can even be “easy” to act in such a way people believe you. But the reality is, those darn voices in our heads can be brutal. Even as you stand in front of a crowd who is cheering you on, that voice can be whispering crap inside like “people aren’t really listening, they don’t care what you say, you’re rambling, people just want you to stop talking…” Or perhaps you are all dressed up and people are complimenting you, but inside you hear “they are just trying to be nice, you’re not as thin as the others, you don’t look like you know about health and wellness…” You go to a meeting and everyone tells you that you can accomplish your dreams, but inside that voice says “they are just trying not to hurt your feelings, you’re never going to make it, you can’t do that, you’re not good enough…”
Sound familiar? I thought so.
A few months ago, I was presented the opportunity to pursue something I have dreamed about for years. When it was presented to me I went from the ultimate high of pure elation to the ultimate low of “holy crap!” in a matter of seconds. The dream that stupid voice told me would never actually happen, was just put in my lap… and that meant I had to do something with it. All of a sudden it was go time and take a wild guess what happened next. Yup. That stupid voice had some things to say “you aren’t ready for this, you’re not good enough for this, you don’t have time for this, what if people laugh…you’re going to fall flat on your face” Thoughts of fear, doubt, guilt, and more fear all at once. Goodness, I hate that voice sometimes. Then something else happened. Something that was new for me… there was a still, quiet voice that said “But what if you fly.” Even now, it chokes me up. What was this new voice? Where did it come from? It was so peaceful and sweet and supportive….. The other voice was screaming to ignore it, to run from it, to save myself from the hurt of failure… I took a deep breath and did what I knew I had to do – I turned around and told that voice of fear to SHUT UP, because you see, it no longer tells me what to do. I had a new voice, belief, that was going to help guide me from now on.
So today, I’m sharing all this with you because I want you to understand we all have a choice. You have a choice which voice you listen to, which voice you allow to speak into your life. I spent years listening to the wrong voice and missing out on so many things like joy, peace, fun, and dreams paralyzed by fear and doubt. I have learned so many valuable lessons over the past two years, but nothing is greater than the lesson of believing in myself. Am I perfect at it? NO. Do I still doubt myself? ALL THE TIME. But, slowly, I am learning to distinguish between the two voices and I’m creating a new identity – one that is strong, confident and runs after her dreams IN SPITE of the fears and doubts. I’m teaching that stupid voice that once controlled me who is really boss.
Today I am no longer the girl hiding, hoping no one will see her, but the girl who is willing to put herself on display to the world – because this girl is happy, healthy and stronger than ever – this girl believes in herself – and this girl can easily be you.